Joan Rivers

If you miss the wonder of Joan Rivers you “Have To” see Joan Rivers in “A Piece of Work”
Joan Rivers is a lot like Sushi, you either love her or you do not. This documentary will cause both the haters and the lovers to respect her. She is the ultimate “have to” survivor!!!

You have to give it to her. I happened to like Joan Rivers, she maked me laugh. But in this documentary she made me cry. Her endurance, drive and “have to” lead her overcome the death of her husband, the alleged banishment during her career by Jonny Carson and the incredible guilt of being both Jewish and a working mother!!!!

It is availalbe on Netflix and Amazon… Watch it!
Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg’s spent 12 months with Rivers. She gave the filmmakers total access, telling them the saddest, most intimate things and letting them film her rawest, most desperate moments. They came away with a brilliant character study. She’s more fascinating—and, somehow, more heroic—than we ever expected her to be. It reminds you what a talent we lost!

When You “HaveTo” Live with a Loss!

When you
Submitted by Lois-CO

What do you do to live with a loss?
Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between have to’s and want to’s. I think we do what we have to and don’t think about it sometimes or many times.
My generation did what was expected of us and often with no complaints!
That being said; the most difficult part of my life began after my husband died. It was hard to watch him suffer but at least he was still here. The real work began once he died.

My way of coping was to reinvent and make a new life for myself. The only way I could end the mourning for how it used to be was to create a new life. I have successfully done that. I chose not to unload on others as that doesn’t help anything for me. Instead, I have learned to be there for my friends when this happens to them and it is now happening to many.

We have all decided to keep him alive in our memories and conversations and that has been wonderful. But when I do, I refer to is as “In my other Life”!

When you “HaveTo” Embrace Change!

Kerry n Family Submitted by Kerry Jackson – PCB, FL

After owning a successful grocery business for four years I was involved in a Hostile takeover, (another story) I felt that I had to go somewhere to start all over. Florida seemed to be a good place to go. I arrived in June of 1989 and quickly made friends and was able to actually work aboard a few yachts at Tierra Verde Marina as a hostess. This was a far cry from VP Sales and Marketing, but it was fun. I’m not sure where it started but I was dating a guy named Randy. He had his own home and appeared successful as a glass blower and as a wholesaler of souvenirs and jewelry. This relationship turned into a whirlwind I moved in after 2 months of dating.Soon I was told I didn’t need to work as he would look after me. I had always worked so it seemed like a great thing. I would be able to go out boating and stay home and cook which was one of my hobbies. I was envisioning travelling and shopping. I figured my life was going to change and I should embrace it and just enjoy it. I would have to change my workaholic mindset.

I was beliving the dream but living the nightmare!!Little did I know I was living with a Schizophrenic. He would turn on a dime and turn my life into a horror movie where young girl in her twenties is held against her will for fear of her family being murdered. Here’s how it progressed, I am leaving out a lot of things in the timeline, because this is about “having to” do what you have to do to go forward.

After I had pretty well committed myself to him is when the abuse started. First it was getting frightfully angered if I turned my head while he was driving down the road in his Ford Bronco, because he thought I was looking at a guy (didn’t matter what I was looking at) and he would insinuate I wanted to be with him instead and then he would grab my hair and yank it. When I wanted to go back to work to get away, he would show up at the yacht and insist I was screwing the captain and embarrass me and himself. He would always apologize and say how sorry he was. But the apology was always if you hadn’t of done this I never would have lost my cool. When I tried to leave or would mention that this was not working out and I needed to go, he would hold a gun to my head and tell me I had to stay or he would kill me or go after my family. He was very careful to leave marks where no one would see or pull my hair or use the gun. I went on one vacation with him to Mexico…a nightmare from which I thought I would never wake. I found out he was also a drug dealer.

I eventually realized nothing was going to change unless I did something. I was always walking on eggshells and never knowing when the monster would show up. I had to figure this out or I would be miserable the rest of my life. I needed to think like him . He was constantly saying there was something wrong with me. So here’s how it went, “Randy maybe you are right, I think I might need to see a psychiatrist, will you go with me to see one” He bit, now I could talk to someone else alone without him having to be there to monitor my every word. We went to a Psychiatrist’s office (he made the appt.) and of course at first Randy demanded he be in the room while we had our first appt. which he did for the first five minutes. The Dr, thankfully, picked up on my fear and somehow explained to Randy that he would put us both together in a minute. The moment the Dr and I were alone he said “why haven’t you been able to get away?” I was so relieved, someone was aware. He told me I had to make a plan and gain Randy’s trust so I could make a clean escape and that he could help me.

In the next few weeks we had several other visits basically fine tuning and confirming the plan. Randy thought because I was so subservient that these Dr Visits were helping. I had to make Randy trust me implicitly. I would make his favorite dishes and tell him how much I enjoyed the sex and lots of other lies that I had to say to make him think he was in control. I had been waiting for an opportunity to be alone with the neighbor so they could help me with my plan. When Randy would go the bathroom I would lean over the privacy fence and have brief conversations with the neighbors. My goal was to get him out of the house for a full 30 minutes and to have my keys ready.

The day I escaped the neighbor had come to him and asked if he could drive him to Home Depot as needed his Bronco to haul the lumber and he needed him to help because his back was sore or something like that. He resisted at first and said “C’mon you need to come with me.” I replied “ Oh Honey I was just going to make you a Valentine’s Day lunch and I will surprise you with something really special, so hurry up and help Gene and when you get back you will love your surprise I have for you.” He fell for it and Gene was instructed to keep him there as long as possible. The moment I saw the Bronco turn the corner, the adrenalin was racing as I pillaged through the house grabbing only about 50% or less of my belongings. The previous month or so while the Dr. and I were hatching this plan, I had been trying to figure out in my head what items of mine I would try to take with me, I knew it wasn’t possible to gather everything. Finally when the opportunity to escape came up. I had to hurry and load the 1976 Chevy Nova my grandmother had given me. I was praying Randy had not disabled the car, since he really never trusted me.

I made it out; I had to drive to a friend of the neighbor. It was a couple that lived within 30 minutes but a place he would never go to look. I stayed there long enough to gain my composure and relax until I made a decision where I wanted to go and what I was going to do. I had to be very careful who I called, as he at this point had already called my parents and alerted them he was coming to get me. They told him I was in Australia; he continued phoning everyone he knew that he thought I knew. (Just to let you know this went on for 8 years.) I had contacted one of the yacht owners and he said they were going to a place for Spring Break to run the boat, would I like to go work on the boat with them for a few months. I did do that.

The boat left town in June, I am still here, married 18 years and have 2 children at 51 yrs old.

Maria Sharapova’s Family’s HaveTo!

Maria Sharapova

Maria Sharapova has a story of “have to”

In the highly competitive sport of professional tennis, Maria Sharapova’s journey to become one of the top players in the world symbolizes her determination, grit and champion’s desire to win. Her story is one of sacrifice, focus and extraordinary talent. An only child, Maria was born on April 19, 1987, in the Russian industrial town of Nyagan in western Siberia.

Her parents relocated from Gomel, Russia, to escape the aftermath of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster. In 1989, the Sharapova’s moved again to the Black Sea resort town of Sochi; it was here that Maria developed a love of tennis. Watching her father Yuri on the courts, four-year-old Maria learned to play using a second-hand racket. Yuri quickly recognized and nurtured his daughter’s exceptional talent. In October 1993, her gift was confirmed from an unexpected source. Maria and Yuri were attending tennis clinics held in Moscow during the Kremlin Cup when Martina Navratilova happened to spot the six-year-old hitting balls on the court. Maria’s form and shots stood among the mostly older children. “She has talent,” the legendary champion commented to Yuri – and he took her words to heart. Struggling with how to help Maria reach her potential, Yuri and his wife Yelena decided to take a chance and seek world-class coaching for their daughter.

In pursuit of this dream they knew they had to come to the Unites States, Maria and Yuri boarded an airplane to the United States in March 1995, leaving Yelena behind in Russia to finish college and await a visa. The odds were against the two from the moment they touched down in Miami: neither spoke English and Yuri had just $700 in his pocket, money he had borrowed from Maria’s grandparents. Several days and many bus rides later, six-year-old Maria and Yuri arrived uninvited at IMG’s Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy in Bradenton, Florida. Although the Academy’s coaches immediately recognized Maria’s talent, she was too young to be enrolled as a full-time student. Yet Yuri was not discouraged. Believing in his daughter’s talent, he settled in nearby Venice and coached Maria on public and private tennis courts.

For two difficult years, Yuri worked odd jobs while Maria competed in local tournaments and began to accumulate victories. In December 1995, perseverance paid off — Maria received a scholarship to the Academy and became a full-time student. The nine-year-old lived on the prestigious campus for seven months, seeing her father only on weekends. Her separation from him, combined with constant teasing by dorm-mates nearly twice her age, forever impacted Maria but also intensified her resolve to succeed. After obtaining a U.S. visa, Yelena finally reunited with Maria and Yuri in June 1996. Maria moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with her parents while she continued to perfect her tennis skills at the academy.

In November 2000, 13-year-old Maria exploded onto the world tennis stage with an impressive win in the Girls’ 16-and-under Eddie Herr Championships. Her first professional tournament quickly followed in April 2001 and her first WTA tournament in 2002. In a highly competitive sport where many try but few succeed, Maria Sharapova’s drive and determination will inspire young girls for years to come. From her 2004 Wimbledon championship, to being the first Russian female to ever claim the #1 ranking in the world, to being the fifth youngest female to ever hold the #1 spot, to her growing list of corporate endorsements, Maria symbolizes what hard work, world-class training and unwavering commitment can achieve: a front-row seat on the world’s stage. And the “HaveTo” she and her parents were willing to do!

Michael Vick’s “HaveTo” moment!


The story while quite well documented; goes something like this:
He owes the Atlanta Falcons an enormous sum of money (10s of millions) due to getting a huge signing bonus years ago and then nullifying his contract with the “dog” conviction. He comes back to the NFL with a 2 year contract with the Eagles for a nominal amount (for an NFL QB).

Virtually all of his pay is garnished and he is given enough to rent a small apartment and live very modestly. His only shot at paying his debt and returning to his previous life is to “Have To” be extraordinary. In 2010 he became the Eagles starting quarterback and they got to the 2011 NFL playoffs and Vick was named 210 NFL Comeback Player of the Year! He was beyond extraordinary….first taking the starting job from a great QB, then playing what will likely be an MVP season carrying a mediocre team to the playoffs. And now, he has secured a huge contract with the Jets that could literally return his previous stature. “Have To” power!! He did what he had to do. He may always be connected to the “dog” controversy but he has solved his career and financial woes that the controversy caused in 2007-2008.

He knew the only way out…he was going to “HaveTo” resurrect his career and he didi!

Tomas Sumsky’s Story of “HaveTo” after coming to the USA.

Tomas Sumsky Submitted by Tomas Sumsky – IL

From his humble beginnings in a small town of the Czech Republic, Sumsky enriched his character through education and hard work. After receiving his degree and fulfilling an obligation to the nation’s armed forces, Sumsky traveled to a farm in Italy where he would spend several months picking apples just to earn enough money to buy a flight to the United States. Because getting to the USA was a “Have To” for Tomas. In 1997, he arrived in New York City with five hundred dollars to his name and no English language skills. After just five days, he traveled to Chicago and while spending the next eight years in a succession of careers from construction cleanup crew to re-modeler, property manager, and custom homebuilder Sumsky learned a great deal about American culture, the language, and a brand new life that was only just beginning. He also learned the power of “Have To”.

It was 2005 and I was successful and happy. I awoke every day with the promise of great fortunes only a meeting or a handshake away and I was living in a perpetual paradise I had created. As the owner of an established remodeling and custom homebuilding firm and with the then-current state of the market, real estate deals were a dime a dozen. My wife Ewa and I were enjoying the fruits of our personal success: luxury cars, fancy meals, expensive sports hobbies, exotic vacations, and an affluent suburban lifestyle.
In business, many people I knew were just making ends meet, but I continued to be met with more and more success. Real estate contracts were all lining up in my favor, my reputation was only getting better and I was unstoppable. It was as if money was coming at me from every direction. As my business continued to grow, I felt that I had finally achieved my goals and was leading the kind of life I had always wanted. At the age of 29, I was living the American dream with plans to retire at 35.

In 2007, the fall began. In business, housing contracts that at one time were signed and processed without second thought were now being cancelled left and right. Coupled with the demise of the housing market and a nationwide credit crisis. I was in deep, with no visible way out; however, my denial and resistance in facing the situation only kept me from seeing reality, and forced my circumstances to worsen.
Not only was my dream life disappearing; my bills were piling with great speed and due to the lack of profits, I had little to no resources to cover these expenses. No matter how badly I wanted to avert my worries with a positive outlook, I could not escape the dismal reality of what had become my life. I did not want to believe that this could happen to me.

It took a few months into 2007 for me to fully recognize how far I had fallen. From where I had been just over a year earlier, it seemed I had hit rock bottom. I spent a great deal of this year in despair. Whatever could go wrong went wrong, from the emptiness of my properties to my delinquency on business expenses. Winter came early and cast its hard frost over my life, like a final seal of disapproval. For the first time in my life, I did not enjoy Christmas. I looked at the smiles of other people but could not feel the warmth. I pretended to project happiness onto others and put on a front of strength when I was in public. Shrouded in the darkness of my state of mind was a business going downhill and with it, my dreams. As the end of the year encroached, creditors were calling on a daily basis and my bank accounts were empty. The end of my dream life was here…I “have to” design a solution!

I sat down with a pen and paper and started a balance sheet. I summarized all my assets, debt and that little bit of cash we had available. I did my homework extremely well. The next morning, I called my friend who was aware of my situation and had always been there when I needed help. We went together to the car dealership, my first big step in buying more time. My luxury cars were all paid for; so I found a new inexpensive car, signed the lease for it the same day and traded in my luxury vehicle. I walked away with a three year lease and a nice, juicy check. I had just bought myself two more months in our home and payment for some business expenses.

So how is it almost a year later that I’m still in my house, current on my payments and writing my book: Rebound? During those next two months, I had to come up with some kind of strategy and a definitive goal. Within the first few days, I was canceling everything without a binding, long-term contract. I lowered prices on my homes and renegotiated terms with my vendors. My credit score had already weakened and I knew that it would take time to repair that. I did not focus on that anymore. It was secondary. My main focus was and needed to be, the whole picture rather than the individual parts. I was monitoring my daily expenses and was forced to start choosing bills to pay. My wife was extremely helpful to me with her encouraging attitude. This was giving me even more power and motivation to stay on track.

My situation was very stressful but with logic and focus I have used the motivation of “have to” to Rebound. If you would like to read my book visit:

I was backed up against the wall and I figured out what I had to do to survive financially!!

What is The Zen of Have to?

I believe that what often looks inspirational and intentional is actually “Have To”.
“Have To” is when you are backed against the wall, no way out with no one else but yourself you “Have To” find a solution, get it done and now. At this moment there is focus, clarity of purpose and no distraction. All of us have had “Have To” moments, days and sometimes weeks… what are yours?
Your “Have To” may motivate another to solve their situation.
You “Have To” share! How did you turn your panic into power?